[Needed to blow off stress again. Yeah, because of you-know-who. Again. Today. Yeah. Coherency may be minimal up ahead.]

I like my room. And my house for that matter. I have no complaints. I mostly laze back all day. There's food. Entertainment (well, good enough). Except for chores, I have free reign over my time right now. I don't mind being here, for the most part. Sure, I could be doing a lot more interesting things if I didn't have someone looking over my shoulder, but for the most part I rarely think of moving out.

Except when my little brother starts talking.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. You know one of those people that, when they start talking, all you wanna do is walk away. Really, reallly fast? Just cover your ears, and scream so you don't have to listen? That, just from looking at him, you sometimes get the urge to punch him really hard, as if it can bring you some kind of satisfaction or reprieve from them just BEING there?

I can get along...fine with him when he is in what you could call a 'neutral' mood. But this is patience crafted from YEARS of living with the little sonnuvabitch. Most people would have straight out punched him and shut him up. At his worst mood, I think anyone would have kicked him right the fuck out of the house. In those moments, all I can think about is how much nicer it'd be if I lived anywhere but here.

It's like a black hole of negativity when he is in ANY bad mood, and it only grows stronger. It's like you have this white dwarf that wakes up in the morning. It's nice and smooth, but unstable. You can't see it, but you know it. You don't even wanna get close to that motherfucker because of how blisteringly hot he is from some unjustified temper just simmering beneath the surface. And any kind of mass sent his way - a comment, an action, or IN-action - could cause the whole thing to implode upon itself. Most people would probably think it's more of a supernova, but the moment he goes off, everyone gets dragged along with him someway or another. It just doesn't give me the impression of a supernova at all. When he goes off, EVERYONE's mood goes down the shitter. Even five minutes with him, no-one is happy, no-one wants to talk (just argue), and we just want to be left alone. And in this moment I can't help but think just how obnoxious he really is, and how MISERABLE he has consistently made my life be for so long. It's not like he makes the living conditions just absolutely HORRIBLE, no, but after years of listening to him bitch, moan, and whine about every insty-bitsy little thing that DOESN'T go his way or doesn't make sense in his mind (and his mind works on levels incomprehensible to a human who possesses at least an ounce of Logic and Reason), it can really tire you out. The mood he puts in after any close-encounter is so sour, you can't help but think of every other negative thing about your life and everyone around you that it's just makes you feel just...just bad.

My mom isn't the most logical or tolerable of people sometimes either (and this is when I'm thinking with a straight head. I mean no offense to her, but she CAN be pretty fussy about things too), and my big brother has his moments where I just feel patronized, like he believes himself superior to us and treats us as un-equals. But that's family, right? Everyone has their problems. I mean, my mom and big brother - waaaaaaayyyy more tolerable than my little brother for sure. Leaps and bounds better, because they actually have some manner of reason in them. I like them.

But my little brother makes everyone unhappy. And I ALWAYS get rap for it too. Like I said, he drags EVERYONE down with him if possible, even if , from any fair and unbiased standpoint, I did not deserve to be told off or punished too. He gets my mom and big brother pissed off in such a way that I ALWAYS get scolded in some manner or another, even if he somehow manages to get away from it better than me, SOMEHOW.

And it's moments like that where I just feel sick with everyone in the house. I can't stay mad at my mom and big brother in the long run - despite their sometimes glaring flaws - because at least they can maintain control when Bryan is not around.

But when he is around, well, everyone just loses their freaking minds! He just...argues for the sake of arguing! Even when it is plain and obvious he can gain nothing and has no real point to make, no real goal, no reason to continue...he just does! He keeps pushing you and pushing you, with arguments that defy sense and logic in such a manner that your own fucking brain begins to melt and you can't argue straight with him anymore! He's angry that he can't out-smart you, that not everything is working out his way (even though most of it does somehow!). I still don't understand how he can gain so much access to things, so much (self-proclaimed) ownership over things I FUCKING HELPED TO PAY FOR. I don't even know how he still 'owns' any of the things he does! It's just not fair!



Goddamnit, he is the whole reason I don't wanna be here right now.

In fact, I don't wanna be living here at all sometimes. If it weren't for my little brother, I'd have no pressing concerns or complaints of any kind, I'm sure.

But he is here. And he is not getting any better. I think he likes making us miserable. The game systems are gone, and in a sense, it has just made things worse now that he can't be kept distracted from us all day (well, distracted ENOUGH. He always seems willing to pick a fight when it suits him).

I know a lot of people outside the family have met and seen him. And he is okay then, because he is with people he has to sort of behave for (if that makes any sense...which I don't think it does). They think he is okay. But my big brother and I agree short doses are the only tolerable thing, and you'd probably never really want them anyways in my opinion.

If any of you have siblings, just be glad. Be fucking glad, because no matter what little shitbags they can be sometimes, there is no way they could even be comparable my sixteen year old brother, whose behavior could shame a spoiled eight year old rich kid. And for you who have no siblings - if you ever DO get one, I doubt he'll turn out even half as bad as mine is sometimes.

I actually do feel a little better now. Huh.